Roma, the blog...

Part 1 – Your Horse is the Mirror to your Soul…



So I’ve been pondering how to start writing this first entry for quite a while, since we decided that blogging on the OE website was a great idea. In that time I’ve had a few (quite a few!) profound moments with Roma and thought “This is it. This is most definitely the point at which I should begin my ‘Roma blog’”, but somehow I never quite get to it. How do I even begin to write about this incredible, frustrating and by default painfully self-reflecting journey?! So tonight (at thirty seven minutes past midnight), I decided to just do it and see what happens.


The truth is, I’m glad for the opportunity. I feel like this journey should be documented, even if only for myself, to mark the milestones, remind myself of where we’ve come from and maybe reminisce when one day she leaves me, as is the fate of every horse owner. But if I have the opportunity to share it, then not only may it make entertaining reading at times, but perhaps it will also encourage those of you who are also struggling with the psychology of these amazing creatures and your training philosophy, because Roma has been and continues to be the biggest challenge of my life to date. More so than marriage. More so than divorce! Harder than being a parent, if you can believe that. The thing is, this horse and I are so fundamentally linked, that I can’t even begin to understand it myself. We were meant to be, there’s no question. No other horses interest me and no other humans interest her (well, except my six year old daughter, whom she adores). And yet, I just don’t get her. Or do I…?


I decided on the title of this first entry several weeks ago when Roma and I hit deadlock and suddenly something massive shifted…


We entered the arena as usual, on a long line, with lots of creative ideas about what we were going to achieve today (think Pignon brothers – I’m ever the dreamer and always overly ambitious!). The ideas of course, were mine and I was full of enthusiasm, as usual. Roma looked pretty uncommitted. As usual. I did some hind and front end yields. As usual. Because this is of course what you do at the beginning of a session. And then I asked her to start trotting. As usual. Because that is of course the next thing to do.  (I do find I have a problem getting stuck in patterns. There’s a safety in them that attracts me). Roma throughout this process is looking less than excited…. As usual. Then, because she wasn’t responding as I had intended (very un-Pignon like), I increased the pressure, as usual, and as usual, she squealed and bucked and went forward for…..a bit… And then of course we repeated the pattern several times until, as usual, she seized her opportunity, pulled away and galloped to the other side of the arena. (Amazing how fast she can move when the idea is hers!)


And so, I reached into my bag of horsemanship tools to use in this situation, pulled out a different one from the last time, although still relatively usual (let’s not shake it up too much) and we chased each other around for far too long in this bizarre and frustrating game of catch, every now and again resuming positons and playing out the same scene until, quite unusually, we both stopped dead at once. Both of us out of breath and out of ideas, we stood facing each other around thirty feet apart and locked eyes. Neither of us dared move a muscle because something happened in that moment that I can’t explain, but I was suddenly so overwhelmed with emotion that I began to cry. And although I’m sure that exasperation played its part in this eruption, what in fact really got me was that in that fraction of a second, we finally connected and I understood everything. This horse is me. I am her. We are the same.


Oh God. Now, this is a tough pill for me to swallow because Roma is really quite angry. I adore this animal, but people, she’s not fun to ride and she’s not fun to play with. She questions everything I ask of her. Not in a good way either. I mean, we’re talking really argumentative. And when she does do as I ask, she’s usually trying to bite me simultaneously, or tossing her head – just to let me know she’s not really into it, or throwing in the occasional defiant buck! Those of you who saw her with Buck Brannaman, or have seen her with me at other clinics will know what I’m talking about. And believe me; what you’ve seen is nothing. It’s taken me years of patience, gentle coercion and the occasional surge of assertiveness, to get her to a place where she doesn’t just want to kick or throw me into oblivion. The fact that I can actually ride her and that she will actually go somewhere is, as anyone who knew Roma once upon a time will tell you, quite frankly a gobstopper of an achievement. These days, by comparison, she’s simply writing a sensibly worded complaint letter to ‘Points of View’.


I did ask Buck, back in June what he meant when he famously said “your horse is the mirror to your soul”, and he wouldn’t give me an answer. I think he knew that I needed to find it for myself. Because he rode her for three days straight and during that time he probably understood me better than I did myself just then, because in my horse he had a window to my soul. And he knew, from looking through that window, that you can’t tell me - just like you can’t tell my horse. Because not only am I really quite defiant, but I’m also extremely sensitive. And that’s a tricky combination! It’s probably best to let me just work it out in my own time and then we’ll still be friends… Wow.


So Roma and I stood there for nearly twenty minutes, not moving, breathing getting steadier, eyes still locked, letting it really sink in. And when it did, she dropped her head and blew out in a giant release. Thank the lord, she said. That only took you eight years.


Where do we go from here...? I’m not sure yet, but I’m working on it and I promise to keep sharing…



Roma and Buck, Merrist Wood College, June 2015

Write a comment

Comments: 28
  • #1

    Larisa Tasker (Tuesday, 05 January 2016 00:34)

    Fantastic blog, it's great to read about this next step in your journey together, looking forward to seeing you two together :)

  • #2

    Lucy Churches (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 13:46)

    This was very cool to read, and really interesting to be able to see such a connection in that moment with her, argumentative or not! I am eagerly awaiting the next post!

  • #3

    nicola walters (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 15:55)

    Amazing first post Nicole and Roma....knowing this horse for so long it's great to see how far you have both come! Looking forward to keeping up with you both now and no doubt having lots of laughs along the way as we all do! Xxxx

  • #4

    Charley greensmith (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 17:26)

    Throughly enjoyed reading your post and looking forward to the next blog post xx

  • #5

    Kathy Price (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 18:05)

    Just loved it Nicole - hats off to you for recognising that moment with Roma and being brave enough to share it! A whole new vista awaits you - and I look forward to reading about it!! xx

  • #6

    Linda Tasker (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 20:33)

    Wow Nicole, what an amazing read. I look forward to following your blog xx

  • #7

    Katharine Wall (Wednesday, 06 January 2016 22:45)

    Amazing journey for the both of you and I've been witness to your tears and your joy and am in awe of your patience. Thanks for introducing me to natural horsemanship and I look forward to reading more blog and seeing you and Roma at events this year
    Kathy and Junior xx

  • #8

    Nicholas Cooper (Thursday, 07 January 2016 01:06)

    Great read. Love the humour. Keep up the good work, with the horse And the Blog. XxX

  • #9

    Laurence J Milton (Thursday, 07 January 2016 14:43)

    What a great blog, especially as it's a first attempt. The fact that you, and now it seems Roma, are argumentative, stubborn, and over-emotional, does not come as any surprise to me, but then I am your Dad! You must get all that from your mother, but the sense of humour throughout the blog obviously comes from me! It made me very proud to read it, and like others, I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the great work. Xxxxx

  • #10

    Lisa Ashton-jones (Saturday, 09 January 2016 18:40)

    Wow, great blog, look forward to the next one, very brave of you - to bare yourself ..... Almost naked

  • #11

    Dona (Wednesday, 11 May 2016 22:52)

    Amazing post Nicole ! I don't know you and Roma since very long but I do find her and your partnership fascinating to watch. So much to learn from the two of you. And now getting such a deep and well written insight gives it an even deeper meaning. I admire your dedication to your horse, really can't wait to hear all about the clink with Pat... And in the meantime off to read your second post !!

  • #12

    Clare Dunn (Wednesday, 18 May 2016 17:20)

    Wow Nicole... I have just finally had the time to sit down and read part 1 - and I totally get it. Thank you for putting that into words! Going strait to Part 2!

  • #13

    Cristen Vandermark (Thursday, 02 February 2017 22:36)

    Hello! I could have sworn I've been to this blog before but after going through many of the posts I realized it's new to me. Nonetheless, I'm definitely happy I stumbled upon it and I'll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

  • #14

    Wilber Ruhland (Friday, 03 February 2017 00:00)

    Hi there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I'm getting fed up of Wordpress because I've had issues with hackers and I'm looking at options for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  • #15

    Rebbecca Titcomb (Friday, 03 February 2017 01:12)

    Every weekend i used to visit this web site, because i wish for enjoyment, for the reason that this this web page conations really nice funny material too.

  • #16

    Devorah Oates (Sunday, 05 February 2017 00:24)

    Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you're just extremely magnificent. I really like what you've acquired here, really like what you're saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it smart. I can't wait to read far more from you. This is actually a great website.

  • #17

    Warner Castillo (Tuesday, 07 February 2017 04:41)

    A person essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. That is the very first time I frequented your web page and so far? I amazed with the analysis you made to make this particular publish incredible. Fantastic job!

  • #18

    Kimberli Santo (Tuesday, 07 February 2017 06:04)

    I really love your site.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you build this web site yourself? Please reply back as I'm looking to create my very own site and would love to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is called. Many thanks!

  • #19

    Damon Trueblood (Wednesday, 08 February 2017 11:35)

    Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it's driving me crazy so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  • #20

    Chae Baird (Wednesday, 08 February 2017 12:41)

    Hi! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having problems finding one? Thanks a lot!

  • #21

    Theola Bower (Wednesday, 08 February 2017 20:58)

    Hey there this is somewhat of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  • #22

    Mickey Orange (Wednesday, 08 February 2017 23:36)

    Appreciation to my father who told me about this web site, this website is actually remarkable.

  • #23

    Lilly Sterling (Thursday, 09 February 2017 02:50)

    Asking questions are really good thing if you are not understanding something fully, except this post gives fastidious understanding even.

  • #24

    Adrianne Kierstead (Thursday, 09 February 2017 04:55)

    Hi I am so delighted I found your website, I really found you by error, while I was looking on Google for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a remarkable post and a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don�t have time to look over it all at the minute but I have book-marked it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the awesome jo.

  • #25

    Nisha Letts (Thursday, 09 February 2017 10:18)

    Hey there! I simply want to give you a big thumbs up for the great info you've got right here on this post. I will be returning to your blog for more soon.

  • #26

    Tasia Truss (Thursday, 09 February 2017)

    Heya! I'm at work surfing around your blog from my new apple iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the superb work!

  • #27

    Vickie Silveira (Friday, 10 February 2017 03:00)

    I used to be able to find good advice from your blog articles.

  • #28

    Jane (Thursday, 11 July 2019 17:05)

    I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet visitors, its really really fastidious post on building up the new web site. I 've been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before. Greetings! Just wanted to tell you to keep up the fantastic work!